Betrayal trauma can leave lasting scars, not only in how we view others but also in how we perceive and trust ourselves. Whether you've experienced infidelity, discovered a partner's pornography or sex addiction, or suffered from a deep breach of trust, the consequences are often profound. Healing from betrayal trauma is not just about learning to trust others again, but also about rebuilding trust within yourself.
Defining Betrayal Trauma
Betrayal trauma occurs when someone we deeply depend on for love, safety, and care betrays our trust. This betrayal shakes the foundation of our relationships, which can lead to emotional, psychological, and even physical consequences. Unlike other forms of trauma, betrayal trauma strikes at the core of intimacy and attachment, often making the wounds more personal and more complex to heal.
There are several types of betrayal trauma, including:
Infidelity: The discovery of a partner’s romantic or sexual involvement with another person can be devastating. The breach of exclusivity undermines the core of the relationship.
Pornography or Sex Addiction: Partners of individuals with pornography or sex addiction often experience feelings of rejection, shame, and betrayal. This can shatter not only trust in the relationship but also self-esteem.
Breaches of Trust: Other forms of betrayal, such as financial infidelity, secret-keeping, or manipulation, can have similar effects on one’s emotional and psychological state.
In all these cases, betrayal trauma does not only harm the relationship but can also disrupt one’s sense of reality, identity, and worth.
How Betrayal Affects Self-Trust
When someone experiences betrayal, the loss of trust isn't confined to the person who caused the harm. It also damages self-trust. You may find yourself questioning your own judgment, doubting whether you can ever rely on your instincts again. Thoughts like, "How did I not see this?" or "Why didn't I trust my gut?" can plague your mind, making it hard to feel confident in your future decisions.
Betrayal trauma disrupts the delicate balance between trusting others and trusting oneself. The emotional aftermath may include:
Feeling disconnected from your intuition.
A sense of shame or guilt for “not knowing better.”
Heightened self-criticism and doubt.
Fear of making future decisions or trusting again.
The path to healing from betrayal must therefore include restoring not only external trust but also your ability to trust yourself.
What is Self-Trust?
Self-trust is the confidence we have in our ability to navigate life, make sound decisions, and protect our own well-being. It involves a deep sense of internal security, where we trust our instincts, respect our emotions, and believe in our capacity to handle challenges.
In the context of betrayal trauma, self-trust may feel shattered. To rebuild self-trust means reconnecting with your intuition, reclaiming confidence in your decisions, and honoring your needs and boundaries moving forward.
How Therapy Can Help Rebuild Self-Trust
Rebuilding self-trust after betrayal trauma requires more than surface-level healing. Therapy offers a profound opportunity to dive into the deep wounds created by betrayal and facilitate true recovery.
1. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy
EMDR is an evidence-based trauma therapy that helps individuals process and release traumatic memories. By reprocessing the betrayal and associated feelings of shame, guilt, or self-doubt, EMDR can help rebuild trust in yourself and your ability to navigate future challenges. The therapy can reduce the emotional intensity surrounding the betrayal, making it easier to reconnect with your intuition and judgment.
2. Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy
IFS views the mind as composed of various “parts,” some of which may have been wounded by betrayal. For example, parts that carry feelings of guilt or shame may have been activated due to the trauma. IFS helps you heal these parts and integrate them, so you can reconnect with your core “Self”—a place of wisdom, intuition, and trust. By working through the internal conflicts and restoring harmony, IFS can help rebuild a sense of internal trust and balance.
3. Somatic Approaches
Betrayal trauma is not just a cognitive or emotional experience; it is also deeply felt in the body. Somatic therapies focus on the physical manifestation of trauma and help to release the tension, stress, and trauma held in the body. This can restore a sense of safety and confidence in your physical responses, which is essential for rebuilding self-trust. Practices like breathwork, yoga, or body-centered psychotherapy can help you reestablish a sense of connection with yourself.
Steps to Rebuilding Self-Trust
Therapeutic modalities are powerful tools for healing, but self-trust is also cultivated through intentional daily practices. Here are a few steps to begin the process:
Practice Self-Compassion: Acknowledge that betrayal wasn’t your fault, and release the self-blame that often accompanies trauma.
Reconnect with Your Intuition: Engage in activities that encourage self-reflection, such as journaling or meditation, to help you tune back into your inner voice.
Set Boundaries: Begin to assert your needs and boundaries in relationships. Reaffirming your ability to protect yourself is a crucial step in building self-trust.
Acknowledge Small Wins: Start by recognizing small decisions that demonstrate trust in yourself. Celebrate your progress, even in small increments.
Work with a Therapist: Whether through EMDR, IFS, somatic therapy, or other types of trauma-healing therapies, working with a professional can provide you with the tools and support to process betrayal and rebuild the foundation of self-trust.
Conclusion
Betrayal trauma leaves deep emotional scars, but the path to healing is not only about learning to trust others again—it's also about rediscovering and rebuilding trust in yourself. Through therapy and intentional self-work, you can reconnect with your intuition, rebuild your confidence, and emerge stronger and more resilient in the face of future challenges. By embracing your own strength and capacity for healing, you lay the foundation for healthier relationships and a more grounded sense of self.
If you're ready to embark on this journey, consider reaching out to Sophia, a betrayal trauma therapist, to support you along the way.
Book a Free 15-Minute Consultation Here (Open to residents of BC, SK, MB, and ON, Canada): https://superbloomwellness.intakeq.com/booking
About the Author
Sophia is a trauma therapist, a dietitian, and most importantly, a fellow human navigating the complexities of the human experience. She holds both a Bachelor of Science in Nutrition and a Master of Arts in Counselling Psychology. She is deeply passionate about walking alongside clients looking to heal from various forms of trauma, such as complex trauma (including C-PTSD), betrayal trauma, relationship trauma, childhood trauma, parental trauma, narcissistic abuse, and/or intergenerational trauma. She specializes in supporting clients through healing the impacts that trauma can have on their most important relationships: including their relationship with self, with others, with their body, and with food. She draws from numerous trauma-focused modalities including EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), Somatic and Mindfulness-Based Approaches, Attachment Theory, Polyvagal Theory, and Psychodynamic Therapy.
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