Experiencing betrayal can shake the very foundation of your sense of safety, trust, and identity. Whether it stems from infidelity, a breach of trust in a friendship, or any other deeply personal violation, betrayal leaves scars that can manifest as flashbacks and emotional triggers. These moments can feel overwhelming and isolating, but as a therapist specializing in relational trauma, I’m here to tell you: healing is possible. Understanding how to manage these experiences is a vital step toward reclaiming your peace and rebuilding your sense of self.
What Are Flashbacks and Triggers?
Flashbacks are intrusive memories or sensations that transport you back to the moment of betrayal, making it feel as if you’re reliving the event. Triggers, on the other hand, are external or internal stimuli—a song, a phrase, a place, or even a particular feeling—that provoke a strong emotional response tied to the betrayal.
Both flashbacks and triggers are common after betrayal trauma and are your brain’s way of trying to process and protect you from further harm. However, when left unchecked, they can disrupt your daily life and emotional well-being.
Strategies for Managing Flashbacks and Triggers
Ground Yourself in the Present Moment Flashbacks often pull you into the past, making it difficult to stay connected to the present. Grounding techniques can help anchor you. Try the following:
5-4-3-2-1 Technique: Identify 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste.
Deep Breathing: Inhale for a count of 4, hold for 4, and exhale for 6. This helps calm your nervous system and brings your focus back to your body.
Create a Safe Space Establish a physical or mental space where you feel secure. This could be a cozy corner in your home, a playlist of soothing music, or a visualization of a peaceful place. Having a designated safe space can provide comfort during difficult moments.
Recognize and Name the Trigger When you encounter a trigger, try to identify what it is and name it. For example, “This song reminds me of that night” or “Seeing this place makes me feel anxious.” Acknowledging the trigger reduces its power and helps you approach it with curiosity rather than fear.
Practice Self-Compassion It’s easy to feel frustrated or ashamed for having flashbacks or being triggered. Instead, remind yourself that these reactions are a natural response to trauma. Speak to yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a close friend.
Set Boundaries Part of managing triggers involves setting boundaries to protect your emotional health. This might mean limiting contact with people or places that remind you of the betrayal or communicating your needs clearly to those around you.
Engage in Body-Based Practices Trauma is stored not just in the mind but also in the body. Activities like yoga, stretching, or somatic exercises can help release stored tension and bring a sense of calm.
Journal Your Experiences Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a powerful way to process and release emotions. It can also help you identify patterns in your triggers and develop strategies to cope with them.
The Importance of Reaching Out for Support
Healing from betrayal trauma is not something you have to do alone. Sharing your experiences with trusted friends, family members, or a support group can help you feel less isolated. Professional therapy can provide a safe and nonjudgmental space to work through the pain, identify underlying patterns, and build resilience.
As a trauma therapist, I’ve witnessed the transformative power of therapy in helping clients navigate flashbacks and triggers. Modalities like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) and Internal Family Systems (IFS) can be particularly effective in addressing relational trauma. These approaches help process painful memories and rebuild a sense of internal harmony.
Final Thoughts
Flashbacks and triggers may feel like they control your life right now, but with the right tools and support, you can regain your sense of agency and peace. Be patient with yourself as you heal—recovery is not linear, but every step you take is a testament to your strength and resilience.
If you’re struggling with betrayal trauma, remember: you don’t have to face this alone. Reaching out for help is not a sign of weakness; it’s a courageous step toward healing.
You deserve to feel safe, whole, and free from the shadow of betrayal. Let today be the day you take one step closer to that reality.
If you're ready to embark on this journey, consider reaching out to Sophia, a betrayal trauma therapist, to support you along the way.
Book a Free 15-Minute Consultation Here (Open to residents of BC, SK, MB, and ON, Canada): https://superbloomwellness.intakeq.com/booking
About the Author
Sophia is a trauma therapist, a dietitian, and most importantly, a fellow human navigating the complexities of the human experience. She holds both a Bachelor of Science in Nutrition and a Master of Arts in Counselling Psychology. She is deeply passionate about walking alongside clients looking to heal from various forms of trauma, such as complex trauma (including C-PTSD), betrayal trauma, relationship trauma, childhood trauma, parental trauma, narcissistic abuse, and/or intergenerational trauma. She specializes in supporting clients through healing the impacts that trauma can have on their most important relationships: including their relationship with self, with others, with their body, and with food. She draws from numerous trauma-focused modalities including EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), Somatic and Mindfulness-Based Approaches, Attachment Theory, Polyvagal Theory, and Psychodynamic Therapy.
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